Happiness

As fleeting and transient happiness is we keep chasing after her. (Yes I think happiness is a woman)
She is like a flirtatious beauty who revels in the constant and incessant attentions of her suitors. She is irresistible. She is easy on the eyes but quick on her feet.

And when we reach out to grab her, hold her, make her our own she just slips away....... Then she turns around and gives you this triumphant smile.

Sometimes she spends a little longer with you but it is guaranteed that she will leave.

Faithful to no one.... Possessed by no one..... Belonging to no one...... Coveted by all..... She loves making her suitors pine for her and miserable without her.

Her greatest pleasure is to see us in agony


Well, that's my theory.

Random musings

A troubled mind finds no rest........ It's true I can testify to that. No matter what you do, whatever distractions you opt for it just doesn't work.

There you are sitting in your little corner, miserable over nothing ( you realise that in hindsight apparently). You try to shake it off. Splurge on ice cream and chocolates, seek the company of friends, go ahead and do something really stupid and regrettable. But it changes nothing.

Only makes it worse.

Hey how do I just wait here and repeat to myself, 'This too shall pass'

Can't it pass a little faster?

Time will heal. (I sincerely hope so)

It's been a while now. Things have changed. Circumstances. Addresses. Friends. Confidantes.
I feel like I have a new lease on life. A second chance. A new beginning.

And yet you are not a part of it. And you probably never will. It's hard. Staying away. Living without you. But I must.

Because life goes on.

Selfish interests????

I hate change. I like the things the way they are. So long as they are the way I want them to be. But they are never so. So i want things to change. But let this be noted I hate change.

Have I gone insane? Or was I always insane. I think I am going into those moods again. But really if you think about it I would probably make sense. Ifyou care to listen that is. And pay some attention.

I was accused of writing to please. Of trying hard to write. Well, I just write when I am too overwhelmed or when I have an impulse to. Sometimes, ok maybe most times it's crap, (I personally wouldn't like to call it so..... mediocre... I think we could go with mediocre). But I like it.

And yes I like it when people say they liked my post or liked a phrase I coined. It's nice. I am writing to be read. But more so I am writing for myself. Because I like it. I enjoy it.

Is there anything wrong with that?

"I wanna paint"

The magic that a brush can wield is just amazing. Lifelike scenes, the breathtaking portrayal of every human emotion. Every muscle that expands or constricts. It captures everything.
Just one look at the picture makes such a deep impact. One can identify the mood, imagine the situation, spin a story around the picture, do so many magical things. One can let oneself be sucked into a Wonderland. Get lost in that frozen moment.
A moment gone by is saved for a long long long time by the magical brush in the hands of a gifted artist. Till nature, of course, wields her destructive wand. Nothing lasts forever right.

And so you return from Wonderland. You withdraw from that picture and you say,"I wanna paint".

I want my Innocence back!

That's right. I want it back. I wasn't ready when you took it away. You didn't give me the time to think of the consequences. You were like the devil in Bedazzled. Promised me wonderful things, showed me the wildest sights and you told me that all I see could be mine. All I want. In the measure I want.

You lied.

And now I am miserable. I wish I had never met you. Never set sight on you. You were my death knell.
It is all flashing before me. The intoxication. The joyride. Self destruction. My uncertain, unsteady steps along your path.

Here I am now, broken, bruised, vulnerable, miserable.
Give me back those days when just going to the zoo was like the coolest thing ever and the trip made me the happiest kid on earth. Those uncomplicated, carefree, wonderful, beautiful days. Give me back me minus all the bad memories, the terrible mistakes, the foolish decisions and the ugly people.
Just give me back my innocence. Please.