dismal story

Anamika

Once in a while one is overcome by some thought, some urge which distracts you no end, threatens to incapacitate you until you give in. Well, I am now overcome by this sudden urge to write. That having said the next thought is…. well what do I write. Should it be a story on the lines of the musk deer that went looking all over the wild for the source of that heavenly scent, throws himself off a cliff only to find in his dying moments that it was emanating from him all along? Or should it be the story of a naïve little girl who lives in the hope of finding love, if such a thing exists?

When one is not so confident about oneself and one’s abilities, one seeks a definition of self from the opinions of others. This in most cases is disastrous as in the case of Anamika.

The highly impressionable Anamika was greatly enamoured and inspired by the movie, ‘Pretty Woman’. She imagined herself to be the beautiful Julia Roberts, a victim of cruel circumstances, compelled to do shameful deeds so as to survive, and yet not losing the beauty of her soul, only to be saved by a handsome Richard Gere who looks past her actions and her status in society. She felt that he was made only to hold her in his arms and to love her. Forever.

Anamika pined for such love and for her handsome young prince. But for the moment she had to discover herself. She came from a wonderful family, one of achievers with a staunch faith in God. Each of them knew what they wanted and worked to get it and, needless to say, got it, except for poor little Anamika. She was better than average in most things though not the best at any. She was intelligent but no genius. She was attractive too but no Helen. And she was acutely conscious of these facts. She constantly looked within herself to find that single unique characteristic that made her special, that made her her. As she couldn’t find the answer herself she began to look elsewhere, wherever there appeared a glimmer of hope that she might find it. In the process she learnt a lot about others, about different people.

First and foremost she realised that men sought convenience. Always. She held it against them, initially. But then she understood that that is how they are. They always say and do things that are most convenient to them. Not necessarily intentionally. At least not with the motive to hurt. But if at this moment it is convenient for them to love you, they will. The instant it is not they won’t.

As for women, they seek acceptance and security. And they are naïve enough to forgo their self esteem, their values and all that is dear to them if there is even a remote possibility of finding them. As years passed and she grew in experience Anamika became disillusioned with life. She saw around her people constantly making compromises, making the best of what they have. She saw people change. She saw relationships change. She discovered the impermanence of everything. And it dawned on her that there is no handsome prince. No perfect love. No blind and complete acceptance of one another. No happily ever after.

There is only hope. Hope that somehow life will turn out to be not so bad.