It's painful when what you say or do, your mood, your temper affects, influences, determines, even defines someone else's. I hate having such a significant influence on another person. OK I admit it's a little flattering but it is also a terribly demanding, painful, annoying, exasperating responsibility.
So many times I've caught myself wondering, wishing, pondering, struggling with myself. I keep thinking why am I putting some innocent, depressed, vulnerable, adorable souls through so much torture.
I try to break free. That somehow is impossible. Rather, I don't know how. Then I try to be really kind and accommodating and sweet but tha only seems to make it more difficult for them. Then I go back to being the selfish, stupid, foul tempered, demanding person that I really am and they almost kill themselves. Then I'm back to feeling guilty.
Vicious, vicious, vicious, vicious circle!!!
So many times I've caught myself wondering, wishing, pondering, struggling with myself. I keep thinking why am I putting some innocent, depressed, vulnerable, adorable souls through so much torture.
I try to break free. That somehow is impossible. Rather, I don't know how. Then I try to be really kind and accommodating and sweet but tha only seems to make it more difficult for them. Then I go back to being the selfish, stupid, foul tempered, demanding person that I really am and they almost kill themselves. Then I'm back to feeling guilty.
Vicious, vicious, vicious, vicious circle!!!
