It's painful when what you say or do, your mood, your temper affects, influences, determines, even defines someone else's. I hate having such a significant influence on another person. OK I admit it's a little flattering but it is also a terribly demanding, painful, annoying, exasperating responsibility.
So many times I've caught myself wondering, wishing, pondering, struggling with myself. I keep thinking why am I putting some innocent, depressed, vulnerable, adorable souls through so much torture.
I try to break free. That somehow is impossible. Rather, I don't know how. Then I try to be really kind and accommodating and sweet but tha only seems to make it more difficult for them. Then I go back to being the selfish, stupid, foul tempered, demanding person that I really am and they almost kill themselves. Then I'm back to feeling guilty.
Vicious, vicious, vicious, vicious circle!!!
So many times I've caught myself wondering, wishing, pondering, struggling with myself. I keep thinking why am I putting some innocent, depressed, vulnerable, adorable souls through so much torture.
I try to break free. That somehow is impossible. Rather, I don't know how. Then I try to be really kind and accommodating and sweet but tha only seems to make it more difficult for them. Then I go back to being the selfish, stupid, foul tempered, demanding person that I really am and they almost kill themselves. Then I'm back to feeling guilty.
Vicious, vicious, vicious, vicious circle!!!
2 comments:
"So many times I've caught myself wondering........" - Tell me exactly, How many people have you done this to?
I know what u going thru...!! but I feel...(maybe false belief) hee heeee
that i have come out of the viciouc cirle..."Acceptance" of whatever happens in life...I dont fear or get worried...lemme see how long it lasts...ha haaa
But u know there were so many times when I felt exactly the state u r in...:)
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