No plan. No method. No organisation. Just going with the flow. Accepting whatever was handed out. Not being happy with it. Complaining about it. But doing nothing.
Like babies who have just done the big job. It's uncomfortable. It smells. They definitely don't like it. (hence, the crying) But they just lay there. Until we, as adults or in this case, more specifically as parents, come to their rescue.
Wipe them clean. Powder that cute little hindside. Put on some fresh (possibly fragrant) diapers. And then watch them smile. Picture perfect.
Time passes.
And then nobody comes along to clean your shit.
Even if you are ready with that million dollar smile.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Late night chat
Hearing yourself speak from the other end.
Listening to someone else making the same mistakes you made.
Someone else knowingly, willingly experiencing the pain. Embracing it. Enjoying it. In this masochistic way. Prolonging the healing. The recovery. Just revelling in the misery. Wallowing in self pity.
Enjoying being the victim. The martyr. The good guy. The human being. The good human being. The well meaning good human being. The lost well meaning good human being.
And it occurs to you.
We enjoy the mistakes. We need some pain. We need some heartbreak. We need some misfortune. We need some bad runs. We need some rain. We need some heartache. We need some challenge. We need some failures. We need some bad dates. Some bad relationships. We need some lousy friends. We need some awful teachers. We need them.
To learn. To grow. To feel. And most of all, to appreciate the good ones.
And no amount of sound advice can stop us from falling. From failing.
And eventually rising. Eventually.
Dearest friend,
Thank you for showing me light.
Listening to someone else making the same mistakes you made.
Someone else knowingly, willingly experiencing the pain. Embracing it. Enjoying it. In this masochistic way. Prolonging the healing. The recovery. Just revelling in the misery. Wallowing in self pity.
Enjoying being the victim. The martyr. The good guy. The human being. The good human being. The well meaning good human being. The lost well meaning good human being.
And it occurs to you.
We enjoy the mistakes. We need some pain. We need some heartbreak. We need some misfortune. We need some bad runs. We need some rain. We need some heartache. We need some challenge. We need some failures. We need some bad dates. Some bad relationships. We need some lousy friends. We need some awful teachers. We need them.
To learn. To grow. To feel. And most of all, to appreciate the good ones.
And no amount of sound advice can stop us from falling. From failing.
And eventually rising. Eventually.
Dearest friend,
Thank you for showing me light.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
08 November 2007
I could sense the fear, the anxiety, the past sleepless nights, the foodless days, the restlessness, the hopelessness, the doubts, the incapacitation, the turmoil, the negativity all come together and just disappear while I just sat there in anticipation, with a quiet nervousness, my thoughts were fidgety but my body looked calm, my heart was racing but my face masked the fear. I wanted to get through it quickly. And I wanted to be good so badly. (I have always wondered why we say we want something so badly. Don't we mean we want it very goodly. Ok now I am just rambling)Anyway!
Then I skimmed through the words. They looked a little hazy then grew into focus like a camera lens sizing up its subject, panning into the eyes and then the face and its features. I leaned forward to show I am interested and to emphasise my presence. One deep breath.
I read with all I had. And three times after that.
She said she loved it. She said I am a natural. She said I had camera presence. She said it was fantastic. She said it was really really good.
I smiled. Blushed. Clapped. Giggled. Lapped the praises up. Stored it into my tiny brain. I was a little child again. Soaking in the genuine compliments and praise and encouragement.
This will be my refuge during the difficult days that lie ahead. This will be my happy bubble. The day I was saved right back.
She said I need to pause some more. She said I should slow down a little. I nodded in agreement.
Words were beyond me for many many moments after.
My first piece to camera.
I want to be an anchor woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then I skimmed through the words. They looked a little hazy then grew into focus like a camera lens sizing up its subject, panning into the eyes and then the face and its features. I leaned forward to show I am interested and to emphasise my presence. One deep breath.
I read with all I had. And three times after that.
She said she loved it. She said I am a natural. She said I had camera presence. She said it was fantastic. She said it was really really good.
I smiled. Blushed. Clapped. Giggled. Lapped the praises up. Stored it into my tiny brain. I was a little child again. Soaking in the genuine compliments and praise and encouragement.
This will be my refuge during the difficult days that lie ahead. This will be my happy bubble. The day I was saved right back.
She said I need to pause some more. She said I should slow down a little. I nodded in agreement.
Words were beyond me for many many moments after.
My first piece to camera.
I want to be an anchor woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Filling the Corfe
This was the first assignment that I did on my course. The brief was to a write news report on the history of a building or a place on my patch (neighbourhood area). I live in a University hall of residence called Corfe house. And I wrote about Corfe castle which is totally not on my patch but quite a distance away. But I used the same name connection and wrote my story. My teacher said it was a bit contrived but he smiled and seemed pleased. I think he quite liked my idea. He said he liked the report otherwise. YAY!!!
Well what can I say, full points to cheekiness and forced connections. :)
VEENA ZACHARIAS
Filling the Corfe
An investigation into the newly built halls of residence in Poole led to the discovery of the building being named after Corfe Castle. Corfe Castle is located in a gap in the Purbeck hills between Wareham and Swanage and has been a witness to a 1000 years of British History.
Corfe Castle has survived the English Civil War, functioned as a military garrison, a royal residence and a family home. It derives its name from a Saxon word for gap.
Rachel, 17, said that Corfe Castle was mainly used for military defence, serving as a vantage point to watch the sea and warn the military, well in time, of the approaching invaders.
Corfe was a royal castle in William the Conqueror’s time but it was Henry I who built ‘The Keep’ which served as the last line of defence and was the ceremonial centre of the castle. King John built ‘The Gloriette’ which were a range of residential buildings and included King John’s Hall and Presence Chamber with a three storeyed porch.
In 1572, Queen Elizabeth sold the estate to Sir Christopher Hatton and in 1635 it passed to the Lord Chief Justice, Sir John Bankes. The Parliamentarian engineers were ordered to destroy it in 1646, after the Royalist garrison had surrendered following a lengthy seige. Ownership remained with the Bankes family until 1982. It was then bequeathed to the National Trust.
Andrew Preston, a resident of Dorchester, said that Enid Blyton, the well known children’s author had spent time in the area and that some of the castles in her adventure stories were based on Corfe Castle.
Currently, the National Trust has undertaken a major conservation programme to restore the Corfe Castle and make it safe for public access as the masonry of the Castle had begun to crumble due to the recent warm, wet winters.
The National Trust is planning to launch a campaign to raise the £5,00,000 needed to fund the restoration.
ENDS
Well what can I say, full points to cheekiness and forced connections. :)
VEENA ZACHARIAS
Filling the Corfe
An investigation into the newly built halls of residence in Poole led to the discovery of the building being named after Corfe Castle. Corfe Castle is located in a gap in the Purbeck hills between Wareham and Swanage and has been a witness to a 1000 years of British History.
Corfe Castle has survived the English Civil War, functioned as a military garrison, a royal residence and a family home. It derives its name from a Saxon word for gap.
Rachel, 17, said that Corfe Castle was mainly used for military defence, serving as a vantage point to watch the sea and warn the military, well in time, of the approaching invaders.
Corfe was a royal castle in William the Conqueror’s time but it was Henry I who built ‘The Keep’ which served as the last line of defence and was the ceremonial centre of the castle. King John built ‘The Gloriette’ which were a range of residential buildings and included King John’s Hall and Presence Chamber with a three storeyed porch.
In 1572, Queen Elizabeth sold the estate to Sir Christopher Hatton and in 1635 it passed to the Lord Chief Justice, Sir John Bankes. The Parliamentarian engineers were ordered to destroy it in 1646, after the Royalist garrison had surrendered following a lengthy seige. Ownership remained with the Bankes family until 1982. It was then bequeathed to the National Trust.
Andrew Preston, a resident of Dorchester, said that Enid Blyton, the well known children’s author had spent time in the area and that some of the castles in her adventure stories were based on Corfe Castle.
Currently, the National Trust has undertaken a major conservation programme to restore the Corfe Castle and make it safe for public access as the masonry of the Castle had begun to crumble due to the recent warm, wet winters.
The National Trust is planning to launch a campaign to raise the £5,00,000 needed to fund the restoration.
ENDS
Monday, November 05, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
Big girls don't cry
I'd lovely to say that Fergie has literally stolen my thoughts. But I just couldn't have said it so well.
I Hope you like it as much as I do.
I Hope you like it as much as I do.
Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
Your probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself instead of calamity
Peace, Serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine
Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if u want to
Cause I want to hold yours too
Well be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But its time for me to go home
Its getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself instead of calamity
Peace, Serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
La Da Da Da Da Da
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Birthday girl
For the girl who reminds me of me.
For the beauty.
More on the inside. (the outside is obvious)
For the child.
For the hard worker.
For the expressive writer.
For the dreamer.
For the optimist.
For the lost.
For a better future.
For togetherness.
For the inherent talent.
For the outward exuberance.
For keeping the faith.
To that lovely girl.....
Happy Birthday
For the beauty.
More on the inside. (the outside is obvious)
For the child.
For the hard worker.
For the expressive writer.
For the dreamer.
For the optimist.
For the lost.
For a better future.
For togetherness.
For the inherent talent.
For the outward exuberance.
For keeping the faith.
To that lovely girl.....
Happy Birthday
I did it!!!!
Yes finally!!
Looked up the internet.
Read a map. My directionally challenged brain blinked.
Asked for directions from
a security guard,
a bus driver,
a taxi driver,
a man smoking outside a bar,
a waitress inside the bar,
a customer inside the bar,
a couple up the street,
sat in their car, complete strangers, but good people
Five minutes later....
I was there. Entered. It had already begun.
Looked around. It was new to me. Yet familiar.
Sat there. Listening a little. Drifting a little. Keeping the Sabbath holy. Perfecting the Sunday. Performing my duty. Meeting my Friend. Talking. Asking. Praying. Believing.
Was good to be back. Where I belong.
Looked up the internet.
Read a map. My directionally challenged brain blinked.
Asked for directions from
a security guard,
a bus driver,
a taxi driver,
a man smoking outside a bar,
a waitress inside the bar,
a customer inside the bar,
a couple up the street,
sat in their car, complete strangers, but good people
Five minutes later....
I was there. Entered. It had already begun.
Looked around. It was new to me. Yet familiar.
Sat there. Listening a little. Drifting a little. Keeping the Sabbath holy. Perfecting the Sunday. Performing my duty. Meeting my Friend. Talking. Asking. Praying. Believing.
Was good to be back. Where I belong.
'English' deconstructed
I've been in the UK for a little over a month now and I've been soaking in the similarities and differences, understanding and appreciating my own culture and theirs. But this is on a lighter note. My tribute to a beautiful country. Two beautiful countries. The one I come from and the one I have come to.
You alright? = How's it going?/ Sup?/Hello - It doesn't really require a response. If you mistake it for an actual question and decide to answer it in your usual verbose way, you'd be the only one left standing there.
That's a good shout = It's a brilliant idea
Wanker/ Tosser = person who masturbates (they have a tremendous vocabulary for the same thing and it keeps coming up in conversations)
I'm rubbish at it = No talent for it (I really love the way they say it so innocently and it's just such sweet and polite English)
To waffle= Beating around the bush. I shall explain with an example. Say you need to write a 3500 word essay and you really have only 200 words to say it all. Then you add scores of meaningless, useless words, saying the same thing over and over in different ways and you somehow reach the 3500 word limit. And Bingo! You have 'waffled'!!!
'Dodgy'= Unreliable/ unsafe. My news story is a bit dodgy. What they mean is that the subject in reference is not of very good standard, is poor in quality. (They take political correctness very very seriously out here)
Blimey!!!! = Bloody hell (an interjection) It sounds so much better than the typical 'F**k'
And how could I ever leave out....
Cheers = Thanks. The prominent drinking culture here has made this word drift out of pubs and bars into everyday conversation I suppose.
I can't seem to remember all the words or phrases they use. They are all ever so sweet. I shall keep adding to this list. It's so much fun.
I feel like this child in a strange, foreign but magnificent world.
Am I Alice? And this my Wonderland?
I am glad I am here.
You alright? = How's it going?/ Sup?/Hello - It doesn't really require a response. If you mistake it for an actual question and decide to answer it in your usual verbose way, you'd be the only one left standing there.
That's a good shout = It's a brilliant idea
Wanker/ Tosser = person who masturbates (they have a tremendous vocabulary for the same thing and it keeps coming up in conversations)
I'm rubbish at it = No talent for it (I really love the way they say it so innocently and it's just such sweet and polite English)
To waffle= Beating around the bush. I shall explain with an example. Say you need to write a 3500 word essay and you really have only 200 words to say it all. Then you add scores of meaningless, useless words, saying the same thing over and over in different ways and you somehow reach the 3500 word limit. And Bingo! You have 'waffled'!!!
'Dodgy'= Unreliable/ unsafe. My news story is a bit dodgy. What they mean is that the subject in reference is not of very good standard, is poor in quality. (They take political correctness very very seriously out here)
Blimey!!!! = Bloody hell (an interjection) It sounds so much better than the typical 'F**k'
And how could I ever leave out....
Cheers = Thanks. The prominent drinking culture here has made this word drift out of pubs and bars into everyday conversation I suppose.
I can't seem to remember all the words or phrases they use. They are all ever so sweet. I shall keep adding to this list. It's so much fun.
I feel like this child in a strange, foreign but magnificent world.
Am I Alice? And this my Wonderland?
I am glad I am here.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Some some
Some things just can't be expressed. Only experienced.
Apart from killing time, TV can make you see what you didn't before.
Apart from enjoying great company, a party can make you appreciate the music back home.
Apart from just being nice, some people can just genuinely always always be there.
Sometimes, a mail is all you need.
Sometimes, a discussion on ethics and morals and faith makes you appreciate your upbringing.
Sometimes, a walk back home, in the cold weather, can be the warmest experience in the world.
Sometimes, you just want to bless that budding romance. She said, 'They'd make such beautiful babies.'
Sometimes, you just have to cheer for the Corfe football team and be so thrilled when they win.
Sometimes, you appreciate a performer, an entertainer, an illusionist.
Sometimes, you just love that phone call.
Sometimes, a missed call that got picked up and cost you a fortune is the most beautiful moment of the day.
Sometimes, only liquid food is good.
Sometimes, its nice to be emotional, to be protective, to be supportive, to be nervous, to be a little sad, to miss being teased and tickled, to be a little possessive, to ask a lot of questions, to get jealous, to have the feeling of belonging, of longing as well.
You wish for, 'World Hold On'. You get, 'Sweet child of mine'. And you realise, it means something. He is trying to tell you something. And when it hits you, a day later, you bite your lip in glee.
But most of all, its nicest to be happy. And to find yourself again.
To my parents, to Tobby, the bestest brother in the world, to Lenny, the best friend, to Hemant, the quintessential nice guy, to Tiger, the most devoted friend. To Andrew. Words just can't express it. And to Naveen, I miss our bike rides........
Life is wonderful and so much easier thanks to each of you.
To me, without whom this would not be possible.....
It's true!
Apart from killing time, TV can make you see what you didn't before.
Apart from enjoying great company, a party can make you appreciate the music back home.
Apart from just being nice, some people can just genuinely always always be there.
Sometimes, a mail is all you need.
Sometimes, a discussion on ethics and morals and faith makes you appreciate your upbringing.
Sometimes, a walk back home, in the cold weather, can be the warmest experience in the world.
Sometimes, you just want to bless that budding romance. She said, 'They'd make such beautiful babies.'
Sometimes, you just have to cheer for the Corfe football team and be so thrilled when they win.
Sometimes, you appreciate a performer, an entertainer, an illusionist.
Sometimes, you just love that phone call.
Sometimes, a missed call that got picked up and cost you a fortune is the most beautiful moment of the day.
Sometimes, only liquid food is good.
Sometimes, its nice to be emotional, to be protective, to be supportive, to be nervous, to be a little sad, to miss being teased and tickled, to be a little possessive, to ask a lot of questions, to get jealous, to have the feeling of belonging, of longing as well.
You wish for, 'World Hold On'. You get, 'Sweet child of mine'. And you realise, it means something. He is trying to tell you something. And when it hits you, a day later, you bite your lip in glee.
But most of all, its nicest to be happy. And to find yourself again.
To my parents, to Tobby, the bestest brother in the world, to Lenny, the best friend, to Hemant, the quintessential nice guy, to Tiger, the most devoted friend. To Andrew. Words just can't express it. And to Naveen, I miss our bike rides........
Life is wonderful and so much easier thanks to each of you.
To me, without whom this would not be possible.....
It's true!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Beads
Waking up in the middle of the night. A restless continuing night. Its quiet. Serene. Your alone. Just you and your thoughts. Then you do the most unlikely thing.
You take it in your hands. With shaking hands you hold it and look at it with fearful respect.
But it is not to be feared. Is often neglected though.
One bead at a time. And with every bead calm returns.
So does hope. So does knowledge of the truth. The strength to accept it.
And once again, He has pulled me through.
It's time I started using my obvious advantage.
You take it in your hands. With shaking hands you hold it and look at it with fearful respect.
But it is not to be feared. Is often neglected though.
One bead at a time. And with every bead calm returns.
So does hope. So does knowledge of the truth. The strength to accept it.
And once again, He has pulled me through.
It's time I started using my obvious advantage.
Keep in mind
Never say never.
Also never say forever and forever.
And never again.
And I promise with all I have. Hmmmm that ain't much consolation coming from... well, you!
And ooooooo ooooo oooooo be ever so careful with those three magical words.
Someone might just think you actually meant it.
Now, you wouldn't want that, would you?
Also never say forever and forever.
And never again.
And I promise with all I have. Hmmmm that ain't much consolation coming from... well, you!
And ooooooo ooooo oooooo be ever so careful with those three magical words.
Someone might just think you actually meant it.
Now, you wouldn't want that, would you?
Goodbye Buzzworks
Dear Team Loyalty,
Ok This is more diffcult than I had imagined this to be. But what needs to be done must be done and what needs to be said must be said. So yes, I leave Buzzworks today i.e on the 1st of September, 2007.
I have been here for a little over a year. And each one of you has helped me grow out of my fresh out of college (read silly, childish and self absorbed) mode into a slightly more mature person. Atleast that is what I would like to believe. J
Anyway, I shall always look back at this one year as a brilliant roller coaster ride with all the highs at Buzzworks thanks to all the amazing friends I made here.
Lenny, the spectacular Boss and friend and confidante and guide and local guardian. Hemanth, the laidback (read lazy), calm, strong, supportive, sturdy and ever reliable friend. Sam, the typical comedy king and truly good guy and protector. Naveen, the quiet but ever present support and loyal friend. Anish, the design guru and party animal and Ladies’ man. Roshan and team and their mutual unfailing support to each other. Mohan’s fall in front of the office. Pradeep and his child bearing hips and his pink p****. Poornima and her brilliant resourcefulness. Vighnaraj and his PJs. Sandesh and his weird language. Kiran and his porki dance.
Preeti and her fresher party ramblings and her ‘give me work’ cries. Reynah’s unending talks and her motherly tenderness for Chaitra and Babushka. Babushka’s unique way of calling Reynah which sounded just like Veena to me. Chaitra’s giggles and attitude. The girl has truckloads of it. Me likey!!! Roar! Come to Mumma baby... :)
Romal’s unfailing memory and to die for imitations of all the music that ever played in Doordarshan serials. Thyagraj and his eveteasing. Shivagami and her madness at the Chennai offsite.
I will never forget any of these and so many other beautiful, wonderful, bittersweet incidents, events, words, actions, parties, trips. Etc. I will miss each and every one of you much more than you can imagine.
But if any of you take this as a goodbye I will personally come down and belt you in my typical violent style. Just because I won’t be in Buzzworks don’t assume that I am out of your lives.
Once again guys, thanks so much for everything, for giving me so much, for being so amazing and for being the best company and colleagues I could ever find. I really have only the deepest fondness and respect for you guys. Honestly.Think of me once in a while and be good. God bless you all.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
She
She has a will of her own.
The worst timing.
Absolutely no self-restraint.
She is stubborn.
She seeks comfort, attention, consolation, closeness, care, concern, reassurance, love.
She wants to be understood.
She wants to be forgiven.
She wants to forgive.
She is petty.
She is fickle.
She is irrational.
She is difficult.
She wants to be held close.
She wants to hold on. She wants to be happy.
She is a silent tear.
The worst timing.
Absolutely no self-restraint.
She is stubborn.
She seeks comfort, attention, consolation, closeness, care, concern, reassurance, love.
She wants to be understood.
She wants to be forgiven.
She wants to forgive.
She is petty.
She is fickle.
She is irrational.
She is difficult.
She wants to be held close.
She wants to hold on. She wants to be happy.
She is a silent tear.
Beatitude
Happy are those who learn from their mistakes.
Happy are those who can just shut things out.
Happy are those who can control themselves.
Happy are those who are practical and mature.
Happy are those who can't see their own flaws but can pass judgement on others.
Happy are those who don't make mistakes.
Happier are those who do not care about the mistakes they made.
Happier are those who aren't bothered about hurting others.
Happier are those who have no guilt, feel no guilt, who have not a grappling, crippling, stifling desire to make things right, to undo the wrongs, to remove all pain and grief and unhappiness and misery and sorrow.
Happiest are those who simply don't care.
Happy are those who can just shut things out.
Happy are those who can control themselves.
Happy are those who are practical and mature.
Happy are those who can't see their own flaws but can pass judgement on others.
Happy are those who don't make mistakes.
Happier are those who do not care about the mistakes they made.
Happier are those who aren't bothered about hurting others.
Happier are those who have no guilt, feel no guilt, who have not a grappling, crippling, stifling desire to make things right, to undo the wrongs, to remove all pain and grief and unhappiness and misery and sorrow.
Happiest are those who simply don't care.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Journalism
Journalism is about being a mirror to society. About merely retelling, letting it be known, about being the watchdog for the people. As my teacher says it is about writing in the interest and of the interest of the people.
And herein lies a great responsibility. As a reporter, one can't jump to conclusions. First hand witness accounts, documentary evidence must be corroborated. Facts must be checked and rechecked. There have to be multiple, reliable, credible sources. The news needs to be fair and unbiased and balanced. Therefore a thorough investigation is mandatory.
Allegations must be very carefully made. Backed up by irrefutable evidence.
No knee-jerk reactions.
Cause such reports can have dire consequences. The impact of the news must be borne in mind. Always. Every single time.
It is the responsibility of the journalist.
P.S- I must bear this in mind.
And herein lies a great responsibility. As a reporter, one can't jump to conclusions. First hand witness accounts, documentary evidence must be corroborated. Facts must be checked and rechecked. There have to be multiple, reliable, credible sources. The news needs to be fair and unbiased and balanced. Therefore a thorough investigation is mandatory.
Allegations must be very carefully made. Backed up by irrefutable evidence.
No knee-jerk reactions.
Cause such reports can have dire consequences. The impact of the news must be borne in mind. Always. Every single time.
It is the responsibility of the journalist.
P.S- I must bear this in mind.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Pursuit of Happiness
Apart from being a brilliant brilliant movie, I think it is really what we are all made for. It is a fundamental right. Not because the government says so. But as human beings, being a species that can think, feel and emote we are entitled to the pursuit of happiness.
Each of us deserves to pursue happiness. Whether we can catch it or not is a different question altogether. It depends on cicumstances, our attitude, personality, so many many many complicated yet simple, apparent yet elusive, easy yet difficult, voluntary yet uncontrollable and seemingly insignificant yet vital decisions, actions, thoughts, people, events and also a bit of fate, really.
And so, if one feels that a particular pursuit is going nowhere, and is basically leading to quite the opposite of what one had bargained for, then one has every right to change direction and take up another pursuit. Cause end of the day, one should move forward and not backwards.
So Calvin, I wish you all the very best and I hope you are happy always. You deserve to be.
I know I do too.
Each of us deserves to pursue happiness. Whether we can catch it or not is a different question altogether. It depends on cicumstances, our attitude, personality, so many many many complicated yet simple, apparent yet elusive, easy yet difficult, voluntary yet uncontrollable and seemingly insignificant yet vital decisions, actions, thoughts, people, events and also a bit of fate, really.
And so, if one feels that a particular pursuit is going nowhere, and is basically leading to quite the opposite of what one had bargained for, then one has every right to change direction and take up another pursuit. Cause end of the day, one should move forward and not backwards.
So Calvin, I wish you all the very best and I hope you are happy always. You deserve to be.
I know I do too.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Smile
I have so many things to smile about. First of all the timely escape. This new beginning. This new companionship. This new friendship. This new amazingness. This new positive life change.
The new support system. That was there all along. Waiting for just five minutes. And really that is all it took. The five minutes. Precious time was wasted in needless pursuits and meaningless trifles.
While there it was. So very obvious. And yet not quite.
But most of all I have to smile for the greatest gift of all.
Another chance. :)
The new support system. That was there all along. Waiting for just five minutes. And really that is all it took. The five minutes. Precious time was wasted in needless pursuits and meaningless trifles.
While there it was. So very obvious. And yet not quite.
But most of all I have to smile for the greatest gift of all.
Another chance. :)
Ya right
For those who think I'd never do that. For those who think they are up on this pedestal. A pedestal of principle. Above others. Better than the mortals. Who think their principles are what make them and that they will never ever compromise their principles for anything.
Think again.
You have already.
Remember there are two kinds of sins. Commission and Omission.
So just think again
Think again.
You have already.
Remember there are two kinds of sins. Commission and Omission.
So just think again
Goodbye
to
the lies
the false promises
the fake principles
the false love
the fake sister
the suffocation
the confinement
the betrayal
the guilt
the memories of the lie, the deception, the oppression
the mind numbing, gut wrenching, paralysing pain and suffering that comes with the discovery of the truth.
The bitter truth.
He lied. So did she.
I have let it go.
the lies
the false promises
the fake principles
the false love
the fake sister
the suffocation
the confinement
the betrayal
the guilt
the memories of the lie, the deception, the oppression
the mind numbing, gut wrenching, paralysing pain and suffering that comes with the discovery of the truth.
The bitter truth.
He lied. So did she.
I have let it go.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Fighting. Fighting. Fighting.
Fighting. Fighting. There I killed that one. Another crops up. I beat that. Another one crops up. I am fighting. I am giving in. I am fighting.
Its hard when I keep changing my mind. Fight it. Beat it. Be with it. Flaunt it. Every single time I am sinking deeper in the quagmire that is my life.
All who try to come and help either get soaked in the dirt and are damaged for life. Or just lift their hands in despair and wash themselves clean of the mess. Who can blame them. I certainly don't. It's best that atleast they can save themselves. Scarred. But time will heal them. Hopefully.
And I am just sinking deeper. Deeper still.
Well, right now I think I will fight. Fight till I beat it. But they don't seem to wait for me to rest, recover, rejuvenate, revive and resist.
They just keep Multiplying. Compounding. Growing. Increasing. And there seems to be no end to them.
Darn flaws.
Its hard when I keep changing my mind. Fight it. Beat it. Be with it. Flaunt it. Every single time I am sinking deeper in the quagmire that is my life.
All who try to come and help either get soaked in the dirt and are damaged for life. Or just lift their hands in despair and wash themselves clean of the mess. Who can blame them. I certainly don't. It's best that atleast they can save themselves. Scarred. But time will heal them. Hopefully.
And I am just sinking deeper. Deeper still.
Well, right now I think I will fight. Fight till I beat it. But they don't seem to wait for me to rest, recover, rejuvenate, revive and resist.
They just keep Multiplying. Compounding. Growing. Increasing. And there seems to be no end to them.
Darn flaws.
A little prayer
I'm done searching. I'm done with trial and error. I have finally resigned to my ineptitude. Sometimes the choice was wrong, sometimes the timing, sometimes both. Sometimes the motive was wrong, sometimes the mindset, sometimes both. Sometimes I was wrong. Alright, since it's you Lord, I admit most times I was wrong. Well, I've had just about enough.
Now, I leave it upto You, Lord. I entrust it into Your able hands, Lord. In the meanwhile make me worthy, Lord. Give me back my innocence, my faith and my goodness. Help me to prepare for that Time. To be ready when IT finally comes.
And wherever that individual maybe, please ensure that all is well and all goes well until the Right Time comes.
Do accept my humble prayer, and from this moment on, may this prayer fall on your ears every single moment of every single day and every single night.
Now, I leave it upto You, Lord. I entrust it into Your able hands, Lord. In the meanwhile make me worthy, Lord. Give me back my innocence, my faith and my goodness. Help me to prepare for that Time. To be ready when IT finally comes.
And wherever that individual maybe, please ensure that all is well and all goes well until the Right Time comes.
Do accept my humble prayer, and from this moment on, may this prayer fall on your ears every single moment of every single day and every single night.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Words
I am suddenly overcome with so much to say, so much to confess and confide, and to make right.
But words are empty. Words are hollow. Words are meaningless.
Words are nothing.
But words are empty. Words are hollow. Words are meaningless.
Words are nothing.
If only
It is so hard to live with yourself, knowing all the things you have done, knowing all the people you have hurt, cheated, ridiculed, chastised, ignored, insulted, offended, crushed.
But the worst of all, is the damage that you have done to yourself. Cause no matter what there is no going back and reliving or undoing what has been wrought.
If only!
If only, if only was possible.
But the worst of all, is the damage that you have done to yourself. Cause no matter what there is no going back and reliving or undoing what has been wrought.
If only!
If only, if only was possible.
Credibility
Ever heard of 'the boy who cried wolf wolf' story? Well, what else did he expect that all his life people would just coming in to rescue him from the non existent tiger at the expense of their work, life, priorities and greater responsibilities just so that he could have a few laughs and bring some excitement into his dull life.
In much the same way some of us lead our entire life with the complacent assurance that there will always be someone to accept us as we are, take our shit, provide for us or support us, love us, adore us, strengthen us, fulfil our every need, pander to our wishes and simply love us for being us!
And so we push and keep pushing them until their breaking point with our incorrigible behaviour, inexcusable selfishness, irascible temperament, maddeningly rebellious and destructive actions and words. And we just keep expecting them to live with it and love us for it.
'This is the way I am. This is me. Take it or leave it.' O ya, glorious Queen of Sheeba, rather Queen Elizabeth. the wonderful. The whole world was designed only to make your life more comfortable, smooth, mellifluous and luxurious.
Hey I am using big words cause how can I use some common, lowlife English for people as splendid and grand as us!!!
And so we go on. We push them over the brink but they, out of their most deepest, most difficult (to bring forth for us) and nicest of nicest niceness in them, still forgive and give us another chance. And then another. And yet another. Yet another.
Until they reach a point where all they are left withs a feeling of indifference, a numbness, a fit of desolation. And they just let go forever. You have killed the goodness in them, sapped it. So much that they can find no more. It will take years for regeneration. If that is even possible.
And all you can do is take your sorry self, your evil shadow away from them as quickly as you can and as far away as you can.
God bless their soul.
You think that you could maybe make it right this time. You would never hurt them again. But how can anyone ever trust you, with your track record?
Can you trust yourself even? It's best this way. Just get out of their way and their life. That's the best thing you could do for them.
In much the same way some of us lead our entire life with the complacent assurance that there will always be someone to accept us as we are, take our shit, provide for us or support us, love us, adore us, strengthen us, fulfil our every need, pander to our wishes and simply love us for being us!
And so we push and keep pushing them until their breaking point with our incorrigible behaviour, inexcusable selfishness, irascible temperament, maddeningly rebellious and destructive actions and words. And we just keep expecting them to live with it and love us for it.
'This is the way I am. This is me. Take it or leave it.' O ya, glorious Queen of Sheeba, rather Queen Elizabeth. the wonderful. The whole world was designed only to make your life more comfortable, smooth, mellifluous and luxurious.
Hey I am using big words cause how can I use some common, lowlife English for people as splendid and grand as us!!!
And so we go on. We push them over the brink but they, out of their most deepest, most difficult (to bring forth for us) and nicest of nicest niceness in them, still forgive and give us another chance. And then another. And yet another. Yet another.
Until they reach a point where all they are left withs a feeling of indifference, a numbness, a fit of desolation. And they just let go forever. You have killed the goodness in them, sapped it. So much that they can find no more. It will take years for regeneration. If that is even possible.
And all you can do is take your sorry self, your evil shadow away from them as quickly as you can and as far away as you can.
God bless their soul.
You think that you could maybe make it right this time. You would never hurt them again. But how can anyone ever trust you, with your track record?
Can you trust yourself even? It's best this way. Just get out of their way and their life. That's the best thing you could do for them.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Wish
Its ridiculously funny when one so wishes for something to happen. We concentrate all our energies toward willing it to happen. Focus every effort, every muscle in our control on just that. Much like how as kids we'd sit on the potty and grunt away, pressing our stomachs and contracting all muscles, huddled over until we go red in the face and the exhilaration that we felt added to the relief on the positive outcome (Here the stinking output!!!)
Well, we continue to do this for the rest of our lives. And not just on the throne. In every aspect of our lives. For everything that we oh soo passionately desire and feel we deserve or know we don't deserve yet continue to want or pine for.
Caught in these moments one is driven to madness by that obsession, that wild, mad raging, absolutely unignorable need to have that wish fulfilled.
It may be as simple as a 'certain someone' sending you a message, or one call, or that one loving glance, or the urge to hear the sound of those reassuring footsteps, or that loving hand placed on your shoulders from behind at a most unsuspecting time (Of course at this time it won't be unsuspecting. Nevertheless.)
But as we grow up the degree to which we want something is directly proportionate to its unavailability or inaccessability and impossibility. But that doesn't stop us from wanting it to happen, willing it to happen, wishing it to happen........
Well, we continue to do this for the rest of our lives. And not just on the throne. In every aspect of our lives. For everything that we oh soo passionately desire and feel we deserve or know we don't deserve yet continue to want or pine for.
Caught in these moments one is driven to madness by that obsession, that wild, mad raging, absolutely unignorable need to have that wish fulfilled.
It may be as simple as a 'certain someone' sending you a message, or one call, or that one loving glance, or the urge to hear the sound of those reassuring footsteps, or that loving hand placed on your shoulders from behind at a most unsuspecting time (Of course at this time it won't be unsuspecting. Nevertheless.)
But as we grow up the degree to which we want something is directly proportionate to its unavailability or inaccessability and impossibility. But that doesn't stop us from wanting it to happen, willing it to happen, wishing it to happen........
Monday, August 06, 2007
Trial
Have you ever hurt anyone?:
Guilty. Lost count and most times didn't even realise I had.
Have you ever let down your parents?:
Guilty as ever. I am sure my mom remembers the score. Thats only of the stuff they have found out.
Broken someone's heart?:
Guilty. (This is not going well at all)
Lived a life of selfishness and blatant disregard to others as long as you are getting your way?: Guilty.
Been a true friend:
Honestly. Never at the expense of myself or my convenience or happiness.
Preached but not practised:
Guilty. I am a specialist at that.
Sought consolation and reassurance every time things start to unravel or are not going exactly how you want them to:
Guilty. Every single time. Have not missed even one opportunity to do so.
All the evidence and witness merely corroborates what has been long established as a truth that you have lead a life devoted to self gratification and have been a menace to most people in general. You have been warned kindly and strictly many times over before but you have chosen to ignore the same.
So we are forced to declare that you shall live a life of solitary confinement, as we have judged that to live with yourself would be the most fitting and the most torturous punishment for you.
But we would also like to add that you will be under the observation of the Almighty and the punishment shall be reduced or even pardoned if your behaviour stands testimony to a postive reformation in you.
We wish you good luck.
Guilty. Lost count and most times didn't even realise I had.
Have you ever let down your parents?:
Guilty as ever. I am sure my mom remembers the score. Thats only of the stuff they have found out.
Broken someone's heart?:
Guilty. (This is not going well at all)
Lived a life of selfishness and blatant disregard to others as long as you are getting your way?: Guilty.
Been a true friend:
Honestly. Never at the expense of myself or my convenience or happiness.
Preached but not practised:
Guilty. I am a specialist at that.
Sought consolation and reassurance every time things start to unravel or are not going exactly how you want them to:
Guilty. Every single time. Have not missed even one opportunity to do so.
All the evidence and witness merely corroborates what has been long established as a truth that you have lead a life devoted to self gratification and have been a menace to most people in general. You have been warned kindly and strictly many times over before but you have chosen to ignore the same.
So we are forced to declare that you shall live a life of solitary confinement, as we have judged that to live with yourself would be the most fitting and the most torturous punishment for you.
But we would also like to add that you will be under the observation of the Almighty and the punishment shall be reduced or even pardoned if your behaviour stands testimony to a postive reformation in you.
We wish you good luck.
Lenny
I know this person. His name is Leonard A Kulangara. I know him for one year now and I think his name doesn't suit him at all.
He should be called Leonard the Giver. I have never met a mann who can give as much as Lenny can and as happily as Lenny can and as abundantly as Lenny can. I maybe repeating myself but this is for added emphasis.
Lenny=Genuine=Generous=Loving=Selfless=Accommodating=Amazing!
Lenny is all the things I am not. He is so kind and generous and he gets along so well with everybody. He may have been my Boss for one year but he has never taken advantage of his position. He has no hang ups with people. He is everyone's best friend and genuinely cares for everyone. And everybody is so important to him. He always says he draws his strength and enthusiam from each of his best friends at work. And that is each and everyone at work.
And Lenny gives and gives and gives and gives to each of us.
I didn't think it is possible for a person to really like and really care for so many people but somehow Lenny can. And really can.
I am a difficult difficult person. Headstrong. Foolish. Stubborn. Seld Centred and Selfish. But Lenny has put up with everything and has never made me feel like he has put up with it.
He has come to my rescue in the middle of the night on the eve of Christmas eve and hunted for tailors for me. He has lent a listening ear to my sobbing and foolish rants. He has supported me at work. Given me responsibilities and credit for things I have done well. He has gone way out of his way to make my experience at Buzzworks a wonderful one. He has taken so much trouble, been such an amazing local guardian, father, brother, friend, guide, fashion advisor, hairdresser, make up artist and so much more. Without ever making me feel like I am obliged to him.
In today's times whoever does that? All of us expect much more than we even think of giving. Ours is a conditional love, affection or whatever else. But not Lenny.
Not too many people do so much for you without an ulterior motive or simply out of the goodness of their hearts. But Lenny does and he has done so much in just one year (that I have known him).
And the greatest thing is that he has done the same for every single person in Buzzworks Loyalty. Every single one of us.
Lenny, I hope someday I can do something to show you what a difference you have made in my life and how lucky I have been to know you and to have been a recipient of your goodness.
He should be called Leonard the Giver. I have never met a mann who can give as much as Lenny can and as happily as Lenny can and as abundantly as Lenny can. I maybe repeating myself but this is for added emphasis.
Lenny=Genuine=Generous=Loving=Selfless=Accommodating=Amazing!
Lenny is all the things I am not. He is so kind and generous and he gets along so well with everybody. He may have been my Boss for one year but he has never taken advantage of his position. He has no hang ups with people. He is everyone's best friend and genuinely cares for everyone. And everybody is so important to him. He always says he draws his strength and enthusiam from each of his best friends at work. And that is each and everyone at work.
And Lenny gives and gives and gives and gives to each of us.
I didn't think it is possible for a person to really like and really care for so many people but somehow Lenny can. And really can.
I am a difficult difficult person. Headstrong. Foolish. Stubborn. Seld Centred and Selfish. But Lenny has put up with everything and has never made me feel like he has put up with it.
He has come to my rescue in the middle of the night on the eve of Christmas eve and hunted for tailors for me. He has lent a listening ear to my sobbing and foolish rants. He has supported me at work. Given me responsibilities and credit for things I have done well. He has gone way out of his way to make my experience at Buzzworks a wonderful one. He has taken so much trouble, been such an amazing local guardian, father, brother, friend, guide, fashion advisor, hairdresser, make up artist and so much more. Without ever making me feel like I am obliged to him.
In today's times whoever does that? All of us expect much more than we even think of giving. Ours is a conditional love, affection or whatever else. But not Lenny.
Not too many people do so much for you without an ulterior motive or simply out of the goodness of their hearts. But Lenny does and he has done so much in just one year (that I have known him).
And the greatest thing is that he has done the same for every single person in Buzzworks Loyalty. Every single one of us.
Lenny, I hope someday I can do something to show you what a difference you have made in my life and how lucky I have been to know you and to have been a recipient of your goodness.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Good intentions
Why is man so incredibly foolish and stupid?
No. I just can't seem to understand. You know smoking is bad for you. You know it does you no good. But does that stop you from bringing the poison to your lips and inhaling hell's vapours? Oh no no.
You know you two are a combination that spells disaster. People warn you. He is a playboy. He isn't good enough for you. Your his 12th or 15th or 50th girlfriend. He is afraid of commitment. No No. He genuinely feels for me. This time he is in this a whole 200%. One and a half year later, there you are. A good part of you is dead. Lost forever. You feel cheated and miserable and angry and vengeful.
You dive into a life of self mortification. Destroying every fibre in you that you were proud of in the past. You become exactly what you hated most.
And then you meet someone else. With a similar past, maybe worse and you decide we can nurture each other into our old good selves. You get into it for the wrong reasons, with the right intentions but with zero patience and you want everything to just work itself out. FAT CHANCE that will ever happen.
And then, the inevitable happens. It ends. And all you keep thinking about is who's fault it was.
Does it matter?
No. I just can't seem to understand. You know smoking is bad for you. You know it does you no good. But does that stop you from bringing the poison to your lips and inhaling hell's vapours? Oh no no.
You know you two are a combination that spells disaster. People warn you. He is a playboy. He isn't good enough for you. Your his 12th or 15th or 50th girlfriend. He is afraid of commitment. No No. He genuinely feels for me. This time he is in this a whole 200%. One and a half year later, there you are. A good part of you is dead. Lost forever. You feel cheated and miserable and angry and vengeful.
You dive into a life of self mortification. Destroying every fibre in you that you were proud of in the past. You become exactly what you hated most.
And then you meet someone else. With a similar past, maybe worse and you decide we can nurture each other into our old good selves. You get into it for the wrong reasons, with the right intentions but with zero patience and you want everything to just work itself out. FAT CHANCE that will ever happen.
And then, the inevitable happens. It ends. And all you keep thinking about is who's fault it was.
Does it matter?
Thursday, July 05, 2007
5th of July, 2007
Isn't it absolutely wonderful, when you wake up one morning and you know for sure you are goint to get into deep shit cause of some stupid, irresponsible behaviour of yours, which has inconvenienced many, but somehow you miss the wrath of that daunting authority because he/she happens to be absent! Of course, when I say wonderful I am referring to the fact that you escaped and not to the fact that you messed up.
And you thank the Lord for small mercies. Or the big mercies that have been showered upon you. You feel lucky.
Well, I am so used to blaming my luck and my unfortunate life, sometimes I refer to it as my sorry existence. Or I rave and rant about the constant unfavourable alignment of my stars or whatever else that when something like this happens to me I am dumbfounded and at a loss for words. (RARELY HAPPENS! I am the quintessential chatterbox you know)
But the cherry topping on your wonderfully yummy pastry is when you open your mail box first thing in the morning and you see, "Veena, I am pleased to inform you that you have been awarded the Reham-Al-Farra scholarship......"
And you just know this day was especially made for you. The Lord, in his goodness and kindness and his fabulousness has set this day aside to make you feel especially blessed. He has planned every minute detail and this day, the 5th of July, 2007 is yours!
And you find yourself just smiling away like an idiot and every minute you hear yourself say, YAY!!!
And you picture God looking down upon you from his lofty pedestal in the benign skies (everything appears so beautiful, you could probably kiss the next person in sight! I sincerely hope I don't.) I seem to be drifting.
As I was saying, you picture God looking down upon you from his lofty pedestal in the benign skies smiling his fatherly, indulgent smile, a beautiful, loving expression on His face and he says to Himself, "If only you could understand how much I love you".
A tiny tear surfaces in His eye.
And you thank the Lord for small mercies. Or the big mercies that have been showered upon you. You feel lucky.
Well, I am so used to blaming my luck and my unfortunate life, sometimes I refer to it as my sorry existence. Or I rave and rant about the constant unfavourable alignment of my stars or whatever else that when something like this happens to me I am dumbfounded and at a loss for words. (RARELY HAPPENS! I am the quintessential chatterbox you know)
But the cherry topping on your wonderfully yummy pastry is when you open your mail box first thing in the morning and you see, "Veena, I am pleased to inform you that you have been awarded the Reham-Al-Farra scholarship......"
And you just know this day was especially made for you. The Lord, in his goodness and kindness and his fabulousness has set this day aside to make you feel especially blessed. He has planned every minute detail and this day, the 5th of July, 2007 is yours!
And you find yourself just smiling away like an idiot and every minute you hear yourself say, YAY!!!
And you picture God looking down upon you from his lofty pedestal in the benign skies (everything appears so beautiful, you could probably kiss the next person in sight! I sincerely hope I don't.) I seem to be drifting.
As I was saying, you picture God looking down upon you from his lofty pedestal in the benign skies smiling his fatherly, indulgent smile, a beautiful, loving expression on His face and he says to Himself, "If only you could understand how much I love you".
A tiny tear surfaces in His eye.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Vicious, vicious, vicious, vicious circle!!!
It's painful when what you say or do, your mood, your temper affects, influences, determines, even defines someone else's. I hate having such a significant influence on another person. OK I admit it's a little flattering but it is also a terribly demanding, painful, annoying, exasperating responsibility.
So many times I've caught myself wondering, wishing, pondering, struggling with myself. I keep thinking why am I putting some innocent, depressed, vulnerable, adorable souls through so much torture.
I try to break free. That somehow is impossible. Rather, I don't know how. Then I try to be really kind and accommodating and sweet but tha only seems to make it more difficult for them. Then I go back to being the selfish, stupid, foul tempered, demanding person that I really am and they almost kill themselves. Then I'm back to feeling guilty.
Vicious, vicious, vicious, vicious circle!!!
So many times I've caught myself wondering, wishing, pondering, struggling with myself. I keep thinking why am I putting some innocent, depressed, vulnerable, adorable souls through so much torture.
I try to break free. That somehow is impossible. Rather, I don't know how. Then I try to be really kind and accommodating and sweet but tha only seems to make it more difficult for them. Then I go back to being the selfish, stupid, foul tempered, demanding person that I really am and they almost kill themselves. Then I'm back to feeling guilty.
Vicious, vicious, vicious, vicious circle!!!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Personal Space
I'm Oliver. I want More.
That's who I am. And that's how I am.
At first, this space was just a writing board. Anything and everything that crossed my mind would figure here. Events in my life served as writing material. And people became characters.
Once the excitement died, it became more personal. More me.
And then I got caught up in life and lost touch. My reasoning was 'I only write when I am overwhelmed and nothing overwhelming is happening right now'.
I had thoughts to pen, feelings to express, experiences to share, and incidents to write about so that I can have them in a space that is mine. And not merely left to the mercy and efficiency of my ever deteriorating memory!
But I didn't. Sheer laziness? Or was it fear that there is too much of me here?
I don't know.
What I do know is that this space is mine. And it delights me.
This is my personal space!
That's who I am. And that's how I am.
At first, this space was just a writing board. Anything and everything that crossed my mind would figure here. Events in my life served as writing material. And people became characters.
Once the excitement died, it became more personal. More me.
And then I got caught up in life and lost touch. My reasoning was 'I only write when I am overwhelmed and nothing overwhelming is happening right now'.
I had thoughts to pen, feelings to express, experiences to share, and incidents to write about so that I can have them in a space that is mine. And not merely left to the mercy and efficiency of my ever deteriorating memory!
But I didn't. Sheer laziness? Or was it fear that there is too much of me here?
I don't know.
What I do know is that this space is mine. And it delights me.
This is my personal space!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
huh?
I just don't recognise myself sometimes. I have lived all my life with a certain opinion about myself and time and again I keep surprising myself.
I always try to justify the things I have done. I keep saying to myself that I am not so bad. There are people who have done worse things. And gotten away with it.
And then one day it just hits you in your face. You think that people like you. You think that you have friends. And that you are basically a good person. Deep down. Very deep down. But you are. Good, that is.
And when you are enjoying your reverie, someone comes along and shatters every misconception, your folly is exposed. That someone shatters the very foundations of all your beliefs, opinions, principles, everything. Every damn thing.
It hits you like the Tsunami and in a fraction of a moment, all is destroyed. You just stand there.
Naked and ashamed.
I always try to justify the things I have done. I keep saying to myself that I am not so bad. There are people who have done worse things. And gotten away with it.
And then one day it just hits you in your face. You think that people like you. You think that you have friends. And that you are basically a good person. Deep down. Very deep down. But you are. Good, that is.
And when you are enjoying your reverie, someone comes along and shatters every misconception, your folly is exposed. That someone shatters the very foundations of all your beliefs, opinions, principles, everything. Every damn thing.
It hits you like the Tsunami and in a fraction of a moment, all is destroyed. You just stand there.
Naked and ashamed.
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