08 November 2007

I could sense the fear, the anxiety, the past sleepless nights, the foodless days, the restlessness, the hopelessness, the doubts, the incapacitation, the turmoil, the negativity all come together and just disappear while I just sat there in anticipation, with a quiet nervousness, my thoughts were fidgety but my body looked calm, my heart was racing but my face masked the fear. I wanted to get through it quickly. And I wanted to be good so badly. (I have always wondered why we say we want something so badly. Don't we mean we want it very goodly. Ok now I am just rambling)Anyway!

Then I skimmed through the words. They looked a little hazy then grew into focus like a camera lens sizing up its subject, panning into the eyes and then the face and its features. I leaned forward to show I am interested and to emphasise my presence. One deep breath.

I read with all I had. And three times after that.

She said she loved it. She said I am a natural. She said I had camera presence. She said it was fantastic. She said it was really really good.

I smiled. Blushed. Clapped. Giggled. Lapped the praises up. Stored it into my tiny brain. I was a little child again. Soaking in the genuine compliments and praise and encouragement.

This will be my refuge during the difficult days that lie ahead. This will be my happy bubble. The day I was saved right back.

She said I need to pause some more. She said I should slow down a little. I nodded in agreement.

Words were beyond me for many many moments after.

My first piece to camera.


I want to be an anchor woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!